Fighting Myself

I don't know who I am anymore. The Virus is here for me. Always cold, calculated, logical. And me, weak, caring, trusting. The Virus is the superior being in this battle. And it is to him that I relinquish this situation to. I wish only for my mistakes to be forgotten, not forgiven. I know that I have condemned myself to this life. Destined to become a lock-in in my future, no friends, no contacts, no family. I have done this to myself. I drown out these thoughts with music in a futile attempt to resist these suicidal tendencies that The Virus is pushing upon me. Passing the blame off onto a dear friend that I have pushed away. Fuck, I don't know what to do. Who is wrong in situations such as these, who is the antagonizer and who is the victim. I have broken another one of my rules, friends never say goodbye. Harnessing my greatest fear and using it against myself, I drive out The Virus, if only temporarily. If I had a soul to condemn, no doubt she would have already wished me to hell. But hell holds no torture greater than that of loneliness. It is to you dear readers that I write this letter of hate. Praying to the Gods that one of you may be able to relate to my inner hatred towards The Virus and myself. I thank you for your time. And Goodbye.

SAW